Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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