Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
