hotel room ftw
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
