please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
