i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
