I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
