If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
