Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
