I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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