i think i have two assholes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
