She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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