Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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