Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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