Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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