you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
