my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
