What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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