You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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