I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
