like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize