The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
