if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
