I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
