You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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