She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
