I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
