i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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