god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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