Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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