Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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