you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize