If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
