You were right. It hurts to walk today.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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