just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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