Nicole vs. Life
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
