it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
