I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
