Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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