I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
