So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
