I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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