Don't make out with my wife yet
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
