Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
