Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
