my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
third nipple confirmed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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