no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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