I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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