dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
