wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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