We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
