i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
