The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
