it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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