So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just pee around me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
