I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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