So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
