Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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