If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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