I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
