First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
