Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
