Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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