She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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