I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
