oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
