She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
