if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
