Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
