Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
