it hurts more in the daytime
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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