I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
