Already got asked if we're dating
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
