god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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