On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
