you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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