i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
