Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
